


Stanford Pines is Terrible at Romance

by clipper782



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Asexual Character, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-10
Updated: 2015-09-10
Packaged: 2018-04-20 01:50:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4769030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clipper782/pseuds/clipper782
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bill and Fiddleford are both in love with Stanford Pines. Stanford is mostly just clueless. </p>
<p>Bill assumes they are in a relationship. Ford did not get the memo.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stanford Pines is Terrible at Romance

**Author's Note:**

> More BillFord. Mostly one-sided Fiddauthor, but the implication is there for more, since Bill and Ford are obviously headed for a spectacular break-up as per canon.

Ford entered the shack, writing furiously in his new number three journal. His hair was disheveled, his coat was torn and his glasses sat askew. His eyes were wide, but he was grinning. He rushed to the back and down to his second floor research room.

There, his assistant, Fiddleford McGucket, sat, staring horrified at a walkie talkie that seemed to be producing nothing but static and gurgling noises. Ford couldn't remember where it was or how long ago he had dropped his own. He at least managed to drop the grin as Fiddleford looked up at him, eyes full of terror. Had he been crying?

"Stanford!" Fiddleford launched himself at him. "Where were you! You could have been killed! Did those things follow you to the shack?"

"They can't get past the barriers," Ford replied, "I'm uh-I'm sorry if I worried you."

"Worried me? I thought you were dead!" Fiddleford clutched his arms, close to his shoulders, staring up into his eyes with fear and sadness and desperation.

Ford shrugged, averting his eyes from Fiddleford's too intense gaze. "I'm fine." He held up the journal, "Look at all the new information we have now though, I've almost mapped out the entire enchanted area surrounding Gravity Falls-" The journal was knocked from his hand.

"Information? Mapping? And what do you mean _almost_? Are you going back there? You're only one man Stanford!"

If he only knew. "That's why I have you, Fiddleford." He would never understand about Bill Cipher. Bill had assured him of that. _Nobody's gonna understand our relationship, IQ. Nobody but you and me._

Fiddleford did not seem calmed by this reply. "I can only do so much. I can't lose you." Fiddleford buried his face in Stanford's torn jacket. What did he mean by that? How important was he to Fiddleford anyway? Ford couldn't bring himself to ask. Fiddleford sobbed a few times, breathed deeply and left him to head to the main floor. Ford knew he wouldn't be leaving the shack. Best to stay inside the barrier until whatever danger was outside passed.

Instead of following, Ford sat on his summoning carpet, feet together, and began to light his candles. He closed his eyes, cleared his mind and... nothing. He spoke the incantations he knew now by heart, but still nothing. Bill was either busy, fairly unlikely, or messing with him, which was incredibly likely. Nothing else had ever kept him away.

Ford sighed and headed up to bed.

*

Bill was mad at him. That was new. The little triangle was quick to anger, he knew, but he had never been mad at him before. Bill was about halfway through his tirade, about how _powerful_ he was and how _dare_ he defy him, when Ford realized Bill was talking to _him_.

"I know who you are, Bill," Ford said, cutting the demon off, "Can you tell me what this is about?" Ford raised his eyebrows and shrugged his shoulders to show that he really didn't know what was wrong. In the dull grey of the dreamscape the large red triangle cut a rather imposing figure, oddly enough.

"What's going on?" Bill cried out. When he got no discernable response from Ford he reverted back to his normal small and yellow self. "Tell it to me straight, Sixer, what do you got going on with that... assistant of yours." Bill's eye narrowed on the word 'asisstant'.

"Uh... science?" Ford replied. Though what had happened earlier that evening had been... "Well maybe things got a little intense, but that's just because-"

"Can't you see he likes you?" Bill was suddenly a lot closer than he had been a few seconds ago.

"Likes me? Well, I guess so. I don't see how he'd be able to put up with me for this long if he didn't like me..."

"Stanford, he's in love with you!"

Ford didn't know if he was more shocked by the proclamation itself or Bill's use of his proper name. He decided to go with the former. He started to protest, but then he thought about the way Fiddleford was acting. And Bill did know lots of things after all. Was it true? How long had Fiddleford had feelings for him?

Bill still seemed to be waiting for something. "I suppose you could be right." Ford said carefully, "I'll have to talk to Fiddleford about this."

"Talk to him? _Talk_ to _him_? What do you mean talk to him?" Bill was starting to turn red again. Ford put up his hands to try to calm him down, but it seemes he had sparked another tirade. "Don't tell me you're actually thinking about it! With him? He's an idiot! He doesn't have vision! He's not like you! It's you and me, Sixer, that's how it is! Until the end of _time_ remember? I know all those times we've been together meant something to you. I can see inside your brain. I can feel inside your soul. You belong to me!"

Stanford blinked. "Bill are you... Are you _jealous_?"

"I am an ancient transdimensional being with powers beyond your comprehension!"

Bill was jealous.

"Um... this may be kind of a dumb question," Ford said, "but are we dating?"

"Dating as a concept is beneath me. We are partners. You share everything with me. Our intimacy goes far beyond what humans know of intimacy."

"Oh."

"Have you not felt it? When we come together? When I join you in mind, spirit and body and we become as one?" Bill stated this as a teacher would a lecture on some sort of demonic sex ed. But when he put it that way it did sound rather intimate.

In fact it felt rather intimate, but Ford had never been too knowledgeable about such things. "I guess I just never saw that as... dating," he offered.

"It is not dating." Bill said. He wasn't angry any more, just annoyed.

"Whatever you say." If Bill Cipher had not been a triangle, Ford would have sworn he was blushing. But Bill was still solidly yellow. "I would have turned him down, you know. I don't have any interest in a... ah, physical sort of relationship. It's a bit of a dealbreaker for most people I've come across."

"You're asexual. I know. I know-"

"Lots of things. Yeah, I get it." Ford flicked Bill's top hat so it sat askew. 

Bill reached up to fix his hat, but didn't set it quite straight. "It isn't a dealbreaker for me, IQ. One more reason to stick with me."

Ford blushed.

*

Stanford Pines woke up feeling quite refreshed. He rushed down to the second floor to light the summoning candles. He still needed to talk to Fiddleford, and he wasn't going to do it alone.


End file.
